May 21st, 2012

About that “I” word…

Do you remember the 2012 goals post I wrote back in December? In the final paragraphs, I casually added that I hoped this would be either a year of another marathon or a baby. I feel like it’s time to elaborate on that.

First of all, I’m not pregnant. I’ve hinted before that we had some trouble getting pregnant, and a few weeks ago, I was moved by Sarah’s post and Jen’s post regarding National Infertility week.  The theme of the week? Don’t ignore infertility.

That struck me hard, because it captured exactly how I felt when we were trying to get pregnant with L- it drove me crazy that no one was talking about it, and I made it a point to share with my family and friends because I needed their support.  In the process, I came across many similar stories and was greatly encouraged by other moms who had also struggled, and had built their family in one way or another.

Those two posts helped me to realize that I have been ignoring it this time around.  No, I’m not “infertile” in the absolute sense that I cannot have children.  We feel incredibly blessed to have our spunky 2 year old! But I have experienced infertility in the sense of its emotional toll: fear, uncertainty, depression, impatience, frustration… the list goes on. And now it’s been about a year that we’ve been ready for another child.

While the second time around has been made a tiny bit easier by the distraction of caring for L, as time goes on, I’m finding some of those same emotions resurfacing.

The good news is, we can’t NOT have kids.  I trust that we will get pregnant again.  My diagnosis has always been vague (polycystic-like ovaries but not necessarily PCOS) and what helped us get pregnant was also unclear, although months of acupuncture and herbs finally seemed to do the trick.

This time around, my cycles have been textbook material and we’ve heard it can be easier the second time around, so we haven’t been nearly as proactive with seeking treatment.  But I finally decided it’s time to try something, and started acupuncture two weeks ago with herbs and tea brewed from these intriguing herbs:

In terms of running, my activity level did not interfere with our first pregnancy (I even ran a 10 mile race when pregnant before I knew it) and I’ve been encouraged to continue what I’m doing, but I also believe this is not the time to train for a marathon.  Hopefully next year.  :)

So, this is where I’m at right now, and why my races are last minute month-to-month, and why I can’t plan very far into the future.  As a person of faith, I have confidence that God will guide us, and whether it’s natural childbirth or through adoption, we feel called to love and raise another child. I do feel hopeful that acupuncture will help, although I know it can take many months, so I’m settling in for the ride and doing my best to embrace the unknown.

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