“A little bit sad and a little bit happy” 5k Recap

We’re still in Pennsylvania for another day or two, and enjoying the time with family.  I’m heading out this morning for my first 20 miler of this cycle.  After a week in the 80’s, my body is a little shocked by the 30 degree runs here.  Brrr!

Before we left, I ran theTurkey Trot 5k Thursday morning and was excited to meet up with Holly, Corey and Kelli before and after the race.

Just like the 10 mile race, I woke up the day before with a sore throat and congested head.  Thankfully, it didn’t seem to affect my ability to run.

Holly, Corey, Holly’s husband Batch, and I warmed up for a mile and a half.  They were doing the 10k, and I jogged down with them to the start, and then added another half mile on before the 5k race 30 minutes later.

Me, Corey and Holly pre-race

Before falling asleep Wednesday night, I was reflecting on the reasons running is so powerful for me, and how often it has carried me through tough phases of life.  The last year has been a difficult journey or wanting to get pregnant with no success.

In the last few months, we agreed to take a break from trying, as it was emotionally exhausting.  Since then, I decided I would go for the marathon in January, and I am thankful that running can help me process the grief that comes with infertility.

It sounds odd to use the word “grief” and to experience it as a “loss” when there has been no life that was lost… but the loss of control and the hope of new life that doesn’t come about is so difficult.

As many of my dear friends have gotten pregnant the last few months, I’ve been wrestling with this again and finding the ability to hit the pavement and pray one of the most healing avenues I have!

Back to the 5k… I was determined to be thankful that I can run, and to pound out my grief, confusion, frustration, disappointment, and whatever else needed to be released.  So that is what I did.


A new pr! 20:22, or about 6:33 pace (6:35, 6:25, 6:38 respectively.)


We were also cheering on our good friend Michael in his first 10k!

I’m thankful that I can run. I’m thankful that running gives me so much back in return.  And I’m thankful for the sweet daughter that God has given us, and trust that our family may grow in time.  In the meantime, I’m thankful for my supportive husband who encourages my crazy running love and cheers me on.

And I’m thankful for the sweet things my daughter says, such as when she tells us that a rough day was a “little bit sad and a little bit happy.”  We can’t avoid the brokenness in ourselves and in the world, but we can find the things that bring us joy.

97 thoughts on ““A little bit sad and a little bit happy” 5k Recap

  1. I am happy you have decided to go ahead with the marathon in January. Maybe that is what you were meant to do and then you can get back to “trying”. You are blessed in so many ways and I know you will continue to be blessed.

    Congrats on the PR. I have never run that fast but know how good it feels to run your frustrations away. We are lucky to have running in our lives for that reason.

    Hang in there my friend and I hope you have a happy 20 miler.
    Nicole@RunningWhileMommy recently posted..Climbing While MommyMy Profile

  2. Great 5k PR!!! I am just happy to get in the 27 min/mile range right now, I can’t even see 20 min/mile 🙂 I understand the “trying for baby #2” frustrations. We went through that, an easy conceived and pregnancy for #1 and then problems trying for a 2nd. In our case, we decided to stop trying after 2 years of grief/loss/drama and are at peace with having the one star child. I have many friends/family who weren’t able to even have #1 so I count my lucky stars each and every day. Secondary problems are always so strange to deal with when you have have one child already. I came out of it all with no answers … I’m sure you will have your 2nd. You are still young and have youth on your side 🙂 It will happen!
    Christina recently posted..Running off the Thanksgiving meal, two successful Newton runsMy Profile

    • Christina, thank you so much for sharing. It amazed me how many people have similar stories. And I love your perspective. We feel blessed with our one as well! As long as you’re hoping for two, there is so much drama/grief as you mentioned, but when we decided to take a break, I felt such a relief. We’ll see what happens… in any case, I really appreciate your words!
      Laura recently posted..“A little bit sad and a little bit happy” 5k RecapMy Profile

  3. Holy speed demon! Look at you go. I bet the temp change for running was a huge shock. My body seems to forget how to even pace myself when I start running in the cold initially. It’s like it totally throws perspective out of whack. And I love hearing why people run or what it means for them.
    Heather (Where’s the Beach) recently posted..Thanksgiving, Running and CyclingMy Profile

  4. Nice PR….

    Just last night I was telling my hubby how my mind can never rest…its always thinking of what I did or said wrong to my kiddos, what cleaning I need to do, what Christmas baking I need to start, (and the shopping..whew!) then again back to how we should set money aside for the therapy our kids may need b/c of my off the tongue comments when my daughter has “sniffled or snorted back snot for the millionth time and again I tell her we have tissues that would take care of that …and she just rolls her eyes” (I swear she does it more b/c she knows it annoys me).

    Where as his reply to me…..just relax…easier said then done. 😉 Let’s both try to relax and know we are not in charge. Have a great Monday!

  5. Congrats on that smoking time! Very happy for you! And I can imagine how cold PA feels to you right about now. : )

    I’m really sorry you have had difficulty with pregnancy this go around. It’s a surprisingly common thing (secondary infertility). I didn’t have problems getting pregnant second time, but I had many miscarriages in between, so I can somewhat relate. Running is definitely a fantastic way to process thoughts and emotions–glad you have it to help.
    misszippy recently posted..Cyber MondayMy Profile

  6. Congrats on the great 5k and hope you have a great 20 miler today. I can relate to the trouble conceiving as well, but it was with my first and only. It can become all consuming. Hang in there.
    Robin recently posted..Christmas 2012My Profile

    • Thank you for sharing… I am sorry to hear you dealt with it, too. We would be content with one child as well… it’s funny, as long as we say we’re “trying” it’s so discouraging, but when we took a break, I’m much more content! It definitely can be all-consuming. I’m at a good place with it right now, but I have my moments. 🙂
      Laura recently posted..“A little bit sad and a little bit happy” 5k RecapMy Profile

  7. Holy speed demon that is a fast 5K! I’m jumping up and down here with excitement! Congratulations. That is wonderful!

    I know first hand the frustration that goes along with trying to start a family; I have so much empathy. I wish there were words that I could say to sooth you. I think taking a breather is wise and gives you a chance to just exhale. Huge hug xoxo
    Lisa @ RunWiki recently posted..Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

  8. Congrats on the run!!
    And I dont mean to sound intrusive, but I do know somewhat of what you are talking about in regards to family. My sis tried for 10 years to no avail. 4 doctors told her it could never happen, and then on easter 5 years ago she found out she was pregnant! They tried again to get a sibling for their 1st child, and again the doctors said it was impossible. 4 years later, again on easter, they found out she was pregnant!!
    All things work in Gods timing. Just hang in there 🙂
    Kat recently posted..Turkey Day RecapMy Profile

    • Thank you, Barb. I’m so sorry that you dealt with it, too! Having no answers is so difficult. I’m learning to let go of my expectation that it must happen within a certain time frame, and that has helped a lot.

  9. First, congrats on your PR. You continue to do really great things with your running despite illness, injuries, etc. It is inspiring! Thursday was an emotional day all around, I guess. I feel pretty self-absorbed that I was so wrapped up in my own stuff that I didn’t even ask or know that you were also struggling. It is strange how we know we have so many things to be thankful for, yet can be consumed by one piece of our lives that seems so much bigger than everything else in that moment. I am so glad that we have this crazy sport that we love to pound out those feelings of hurt, confusion and sadness so that we can move on and figure out the rest of our lives with a clear head. Best wishes to you in trying to grow your family. I can only imagine how difficult this must be. *Hugs to you* (P.S. I LOVED seeing you and only wish we had more time to spend together on a regular basis.)
    Corey recently posted..TXU Turkey Trot 10kMy Profile

    • Thank you so much, Corey. And don’t feel self absorbed at all! We really didn’t have all that much time for chatting, and it’s not usually the first thing I chat about, although it was on my mind more than usual last week. Yes- it’s so easy to get overwhelmed by small pieces of our lives. You’re so right, thank goodness for running to keep us sane and help us process the ups and downs! Wish we could be regular running buddies!

  10. Congrats on your PR! So awesome. I love the quote from your little girl. I’ve always found that it’s helpful to see the positive side of things even when struggling through hard times. As for fertility, my sister and her husband tried for 6 years to have a 2nd child before they decided to adopt. And just as they were about to send in the final documents, she got pregnant! It’s not what they planned, but it definitely worked out. I hope everything “works out” for you as well.
    Jen recently posted..Weekly training recap: CIM Week 16 (Taper Week 1)My Profile

  11. Sending tons of positive energy your way. I have no idea what that must be like, but I’ve watched so many friends go through the same struggle and all I know is it must be hard, but running really is probably the best thing for you, and a shiny new ridiculously fast PR doesn’t hurt either!
    Ari @ Ari’s Menu recently posted..Mesa Turkey Trot Race RecapMy Profile

  12. Congratulations, Laura! I know someone who is wrestling with the same issue you are–I am glad you have the road to take out the frustration on. Getting a PR doesn’t hurt either. Enjoy the family time and go easy on yourself.
    Terzah recently posted..One Week to GoMy Profile

  13. Dang girl!! Congrats! I can’t imagine moving my legs that fast.

    You know I’ve had similar infertility issues with trying in general. Nothing anyone can say can make it easier. I’m glad you can take your frustrations out on the pavement and find some comfort there. Hugs to you. Email me if you want to rant at any time! 🙂
    Angela @ Happy Fit Mama recently posted..Holiday Fitness Wish ListMy Profile

  14. I can sort of relate, Laura, as I suffered two miscarriages in the course of trying to have our third. And I can say with complete certainty that running was the only thing that kept me sane through that time. I had so many runs where I would just be running along crying – it was one of the only times I felt able to process and let go of the grief. I’m so glad that you have this outlet to help you through such a trying time. Thinking of you lots, and hoping that happier days are ahead for you. And congrats on the race, too – you are a super speedy mama!!!
    Michelle recently posted..Philly Marathon WeekendMy Profile

    • Thank you so much, Michelle… I didn’t know that about your story. I haven’t had any miscarriages, although I’ve seen friends go through quite a few and I would definitely say you can relate! I’m so thankful for running as well. I’ve been feeling positive overall, but there are moments when I really need that run!
      Laura recently posted..“A little bit sad and a little bit happy” 5k RecapMy Profile

  15. Congrats on an amazing race this week!! Smoking fast time!! =)

    I’m sorry that you have been having so much difficulty in trying to get pregnant. Running is a beautiful outlet to help you and I’m glad that you have focused on it rather than turn away from what makes you happy.

    Thinking of you and praying/hoping that things work out!!
    Michele @ Nycrunningmama recently posted..How to Run Back to Back MarathonsMy Profile

  16. First off, OMG you are a speedster!! Congrats on an awesome PR!! I don’t think that my legs could ever turnover that quickly. And thank you for speaking so honestly and frankly Laura about your struggles. I’m really glad that you have something like running that can provide an outlet and a release for your frustration and grief. And yes, it is understandably grief that you feel. I know that there isn’t much to say that will make this better but just sending lots of love and hugs to you all and your sweet sweet girl.
    Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..Scenes from my weekend: Disney and ThanksgivingMy Profile

  17. AS a runner who needs control, I can’t imagine what you are going through – wanting something and trying so hard and it not happening. My thoughts are with you and I hope that it works out. I know many people are faced with infertility and I hope that you can find some support and that running continues to help. XO
    N.D. recently posted..Hodgson Mill “Have a Grain Holiday” recipe contestMy Profile

  18. That’s an amazing PR! You are so speedy!
    It is so important to have something in your life (including loving family) to help through the down times in life. I’m so sorry for your rough year- sending hugs your way!

  19. Thank you for this post, which also made me a little bit sad and a little bit happy. Congrats on the PR! That’s an amazing time. As for the infertility, your attitude is perfection. Sometimes it’s hard to be thankful for what one has when you’re wanting something else so badly…but you’ve nailed it.
    jan recently posted..Christmas TreeMy Profile

  20. Congrats on the PR! That is crazy fast!!
    I can totally relate to what your going through. I’ve never been able to conceive. I do have 2 stepsons who I adore though. Some days are definitely harder than others, especially when friends and family members get pregnant. I hope it happens for you soon!
    katie @ fromicecreamtomarathon recently posted..Thanksgiving and shopping!My Profile

  21. Congrats on your 5k – you are awesome! I agree with Jill, you are amazing in so many ways! Maybe now isn’t the time and when you least expect it, it will happen. You have lot’s to be thankful for and I’m thankful for you blog, love reading it so keep up the awesome posts! 🙂
    Lisa {Smart Food and Fit} recently posted..Lia Sophia Giveaway Winner!My Profile

  22. Congratulations on your 5-K PR! I am so excited to see what will surly be a ridiculous marathon PR! I like to think that everything happens for a reason (as much as hearing that is probably not in any way helpful). I can imagine the range of emotions that you must be going through. At least you are able to use your time now to really reach your goals.
    Amy recently posted..(Half) Marathon Reflection Monday & Other StuffMy Profile

    • I do also think things happen for a reason… and when I let go of my ideal timing or control, I can be very content with our life as it is right now. So I’m focusing my energy on that!
      And thank you! I definitely have more speed than endurance, so I’m not sure what to expect for a full, but I do expect to shave a few minutes off. 🙂
      Laura recently posted..“A little bit sad and a little bit happy” 5k RecapMy Profile

  23. I totally understand how hard it is to go through something like that and everyone around seems to easily be able to have kids, so I understand that and I think running is a good way to get through it and process your feelings.
    Courtney recently posted..Running and TextingMy Profile

  24. Congrats on your PR! Huge! And I agree that running is a great way to cope with any grief we are experiencing. Infertility is one of those medical issues that we need to start talking about so that there will be more research and exploration in that area. I think people are starting to open up more about it, which I consider very healthy. Especially for the women (and men) who are struggling.
    Yo Momma Runs recently posted..Workout wrap-up and a guest postMy Profile

  25. Congrats on the PR! I’m glad you’ve found such a good outlet for dealing with all of this. It’s nice to read someone else being so open and honest about the experience because I felt very isolated at the time.
    Sarah S recently posted..Turkey baby!My Profile

  26. It was great as always to see you- and the bonus of getting to see your fam this time was even better!! L was very proud of her cheering skills. 🙂
    You totally kicked butt in the race- super congrats on your new PR and AG place. I know you are going to do great things at the marathon in January!

    On the other topic, you KNOW I completely understand all of these feelings you’re having and the vicious cycle of depression and self-doubt that comes with infertility. Please know I’m here if you want to talk about it–after all what good is 10 years of experience in the subject if I don’t help others? You’ve also inspired me to finally go “public” with our struggle on the blog. It feels like such an isolating problem sometimes so maybe sharing will help.

    Glad y’all had a good Thanksgiving trip!!
    Holly recently posted..Hardworking HolidayMy Profile

    • Thanks for your confidence in me, Holly. 🙂
      I’m glad I’ve inspired you to share- I know some people prefer to keep it private, and I definitely respect that, but I’ve always felt better when I allow myself to open up about the rough patches in life and get the extra support.
      Laura recently posted..7 Tips for Muscle Soreness and a 20 miler doneMy Profile

  27. My family is in Pennsylvania too! Congrats on the new PR and I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Thinking of you and sending prayers you way as you face this. It warms my heart to know that even though you’re feeling what you’re feeling you are strong enough to focus on the sunshine in your life. You have a beautiful family. <3
    Maria @ Lil Mys Ninja recently posted..Motivation Mondays: Compound MovesMy Profile

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